Enigma

The room’s dim light’s source was a torch hanged up on the wall on her right, which cast a dark shadow on her other side, which made every normal face enchanting; nevertheless, her face was already enchanting. She exhaled the room’s dense air in, caressed her dress one more time, and finally looked up at the cheval glass which she was standing right in front of. Everything about her was almost perfect -the white loose dress, the makeup on her face, and the perfume- which was a huge contrast with the things around her: the rough walls, the untidy bed and chairs next to her, the wooden worn out door which opened to nowhere but bare lands. But it was the only place she had that hadn’t abandoned her, and she had to be happy about it.

“You are the one who never let me down,” she said while reading her own eyes in the mirror. “You are the one who knew all my faults, and still remained without expectations.” Her left eye was lucent in the dark, a result of the flame reflecting on the mirror. “And you are the one who showed me how much I can be strong.”

She closed her eyes, grabbed her hands together, and continued, “are you willing to be with me, until I run out of life, and till I find sufficient hopelessness and bravery to give up on this? Of course you are. Let them see that they can no longer have their nails on me. May the joy that they gained by punishing me, turns to dullness in their lives by finding me inaccessible, and flows into their days, and change their scales; may then, they be able to revel in the simple repetitive acts, that makes their fake mutual feelings stronger every day, while I am the one who is deprived of the normality that will be dominant among them. I want everything to be normal again, and everywhere be rid of me, and I be dead without an afterlife. I hope what I do never be seen as a sacrifice for them, for I have no desire to be remembered and cared for, for I have seen enough of the price one should pay for one’s attention.” She was breathing heavily. “You were the one without any harming, while I was the one that always harmed you. Do you accept to be here for me till I give up on this?”…..”Yes, I accept.”

Then she stepped forward, moved her face for the mirror, and kissed herself with closed eyes. The mirror felt cold on her lips, but there were other senses that she was experimenting. She touched her lips with the tip of her fingers while getting detached and touched them back in the mirror. Then remained motionless for a moment, staring at her sparkling eyes in the flickering light, and at her mouth covered by her two fingers. Every feeling was new and strange, but everything was calm for a moment, and she somehow felt free. Without the fear of betrayal, without the fear of being dependent, and without the fear of being unable to find happiness on her own. Now all she needed was a make love with herself, and a long sleep without any interfering of thoughts; which used to always wake her up right after she was having a nightmare. But tonight, thoughts were unable to make bad dreams, and her rest would be as relaxed as someone without any subconscious. 

***

2 days later she was walking through the hallway to the castle of the great city of the underground. Where every deserter and every weirdo chose to live if they had the chance. There was no bias going on among them, and every color of every blood lived the same. Rexom joined there 2 years ago, right after she escaped her prison of blue bloods, where she lived for 14 years since she was 8. Since then, she had merely one thing to do, and till now she wasn’t even close to success. But tonight she had a decision made, and she had to tell Zefor.

She turned left and right, reached the gate to the great hall, where lord Zefor located. The guards opened the gate without asking any questions, and she entered a huge hall with two columns at the front. It had a narrow red carpet that led to the throne. Zefor’s throne was a few steps above the surface and was too wide of space for a seat. And on the throne was sitting a slender man with a short brown beard. He took himself up his elbow as soon as he noticed Rexom was far away at the gate, and she saw him gesturing and nodding to two other men each standing at a side near to him. The two men walked past Rexom, and she walked to the few steps that led to the upper surface. Zefor stood for her and came close.

"You aren’t supposed to be here, Rexom.”

Rexom sighed, looked around in the dim light, and said that, “I am ready to kill him.”

Zefor did not answer right away, instead, inspected her with careful eyes; she was wearing a sleeveless black shirt with gray jeans, her hair was short to the ears and her knuckles were bruised to the bones; which he noticed.

"Are you sure?” He asked.

She clenched her jaw and chose silence.

Zefor turned his back to her. “You know what Rexom? As much as you have suffered in your life, one might think you resent nothing more than re-experiencing things you have been through; but ironically, I sometimes get the feeling that you like pain.” He hesitated and continued, “and for a keen mind like mine, it doesn’t even help you with not showing your emotions, does it?”

"At least it shows in a different way, as you see,” Rexom said. “And aside from that, I prefer to have visible pains, rather than invisible. More tolerable.”

"And is that why you finally accepted to kill him?” He said, as he walked to the table next to his throne, and started pouring two cups of wine. “Is the pain of him being around that sufferable for your soul? To an extend to accept to kill the only one you have mercy for?”

"My motivations are none of your concern Zefor. You finally get what you want.”

Zefor hit a cup to the ground and shouted, “everything about you is my concern!” And looked at her with widened eyes. “Do not forget who is keeping you alive! You are alive just because I want you to be.”

Rexom was calm. “I am alive because I WANTED to be.” She crossed her hands under her arms and leaned on a hip. “And yes, him being around irritates me more than him being dead by my hands.” Her eyes locked up on the floor, her look distant, and she whispered. “I don’t... I don’t care about him... but I... but I care about having my own peace.”

Zefor was smiling, she suddenly noticed. “You stupid people with your stupid feelings. You Rexom, you have the power to impact the world as you want, and you are broken against a few passing emotions.”

Rexom closed her eyes and remained silent. Her heart squeezed in her chest and her shoulders started shivering, as she tried to not remember the things she had been through those last few nights. Because he was right. When she got emotional, she was the most pathetic, weak, and useless a person could be. And she hated that, even though in a sense, ‘that’ was herself.

She opened her eyes when she sensed Zefor’s presence, and saw a new cup of wine in his hand, pointing at her. “I am happy to see you shifting paths,” he said with a smile. “It shows you maturing. She took the wine and drank it up in a single gulp. “And after it’s done,” Zefor continued, “we can change the world as we want it to be. An ideal place for all the people who had to live their lives here, in the shadows.”

***

It was deep dark behind her, but in front, in the square, there was a tall statue. A statue of a man with a sword pointing to the sky. It was burning in a soft white flame, the tip of the sword made the tip of the flame. The fire was colorless, soundless, and calm. In addition to giving light to space around, she believed it did many other things which no one was aware of; because as soon as she looked at it in the burning eyes through the flame, there were footsteps reaching her ears from behind her. She didn’t turn around; it was definitely him. The only one she had mercy for and wanted to kill nonetheless. She started shivering again, and had a few tears for him, without even noticing; a few tears and every other emotion that make someone care for someone else. She grabbed her arms, and whispered, “how did you make this perfect statue?”

There was a moment of silence waiting to be filled by his answer. “He thought perfectionism is the key for a better word,” he said, with a straightforward voice. “He made the flame himself, and now he is burning in it.”

"A perfect life or a perfect world, it doesn’t matter to me anymore.”

"There is no point in turning sides, Rexom. I saw you as an evil, and still see you as one.”

"I have never wanted any harm for you,” she whispered. “I wanted the best, and I can give it to you.”

"You are sick, and got it from Zefor. You can go to hell with your perfect world.”

"A perfect world, yes,” she said. “But I just want an exception.” Then hesitated. “Look at this flame, for example, it’s beautiful, isn’t it? It’s eternal. It gives an eternal death, without an afterlife. It means peace. It’s PERFECT. Could you do that to me?”

"What have you come here for?” He asked. “To kill me with your power, or with your dumb jokes?”

She finally turned toward him and saw a darker figure than the dark. Her shadow reached the shadows near the buildings, where he stood, half visible. He had two swords in his hands, and she suddenly realized that everything was ready for her.

“Throughout my entire life,” said Rexom, “I had the power to change people’s moods and lives, while I could do nothing about my own. I always lacked something. Is this the perfectionism of mine that you are talking about?”

“Your life isn’t the issue here, but other’s lives are,” he said aloud.

“It’s interesting that you are saying it. Because sometimes some tiny actions affect other people more than you can ever imagine. And you know what I have learned so far? That human LIKE detachment. They like defects and flaws. We, for example, promised many things, and everything was perfect for us. And that’s the only reason you gave it away”

“You aren’t even a human,” he mocked, “what do you know about humanity?”

“What do I know?” she whispered almost for herself. “Nothing. Everything wrong around me is my fault. It’s me. I am the defect in my life”

It had to end. She didn’t want to resist anymore, so breathed deeply, and started to make a scene. The buildings and the earth started shaking, as she wanted, and everything was detached from the ground and got in the air after a few moments. She looked for him in the dark, where he was standing before, but instead of one found countless of him surrounding her. She did nothing while they charged forward, just stepped back near to the square, and they reached for her and sliced her in countless points, as the only thing she could see was the blue blood on her. She stumbled and fell back into the square, near the statue in the flame. The dark figures backed away, and only then, she made everything around her fall on her own. And she was thankful of him, for she had peace in the last few moments.

Sevaine